Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
