i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
