we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
