just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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