Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
