well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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