I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
