theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
