I'm going to rape someone's good day.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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