This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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