I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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