People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
sex in a hospital.. check
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
