Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
