Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
