just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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