oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize
