doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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