I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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