her vagine was all disorganized.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
