Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Randomize
