dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
