Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
