Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
