I think i peed on brittanys purse
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize