ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
