5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
