I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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