I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He better not be in your backpack
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
