Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
