my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
