I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Randomize
