i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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