Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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