threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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