So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
