yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
