Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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