Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
