I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
farters have to be the big spoon...
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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