i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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