Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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