Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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