i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
