found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
