smell my finger.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize