If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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