alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Im just a social blackout drinker.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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