mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize