i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize
