I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
