i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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