3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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