I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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