just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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