nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
