I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
