Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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