Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
