I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
