I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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