First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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