sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
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