i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize