Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
