piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Houston, we have a blender
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize