The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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