Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
