I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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