You smell like a Billy Joel song
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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