He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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