Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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